New U. S. Military Tactic To Quell Unrest In Iraq;
New U. S. Military Tactic To Quell Unrest In Iraq; Will Drop IQ Test On Insurgents
The U. S., continuing to be troubled by the insurgency in Iraq, has decided to quell it by giving the insurgents an IQ test. The plan is to drop it from the sky as a leaflet. Meeting NewsLaugh’s request with its usual candor, the military has given us an advance copy of the test, along with permission to publish four questions before the date of the drop.
IQ Test For Insurgents
This is a multiple choice exam. For ease of apprehension, it has been limited to two multiples per question. Please, select only one answer per question. Two out of two will be counted as outright stupid.
1. What is the best way to get coalition troops out of Iraq?
1. Continue the insurgency
2. Stop the insurgency
2. What is the best way to stop the killing of Iraqi civilians?
1. Continue to blow them up and shoot them
2. Stop blowing them up and shooting them
3. What is the correct way to characterize America?
1. The principal country that liberated Iraqi from one of the most murderous dictators in modern times?
2. The principal country that invaded Iraq to stop an unforeseen insurgency and lose approximately 2,500 of his most valued citizens in the effort
4. What is the right opinion to have of someone who continues to advocate the insurgency?
1. He is a wise and praiseworthy leader
2. He is an counterproductive fanatic who is misleading you
The U. S. military is counting on the IQ test to help the insurgents realize that their murderous struggle is currently the worlds most blatantly stupid example of self-defeating behavior and that that only the most persistently moronic insurgents would urge Iraqis to continue it.
Of course, the result remains uncertain. Or does it?